stand down

When a newly elected official takes office, there is usually some unofficial training where he or she learns both the formal and informal procedures and protocol that accompany the new office.

I wonder if there is a similar class for the spouses of politicians. It certainly seems like "Stand By Your Man 101" is a mandatory course for wives of politicians and public figures, in the event the elected spouse is caught with a 20-year old call girl, a 20-year old intern or, for extra credit, a male escort. The course covers everything from what one would say ("This is a challenging time for our family, but we love and stand behind him") to what one would wear (dark suit, classic accessories, somber expression) at the inevitable press conference where the man who vowed honor and fidelity to wife and office declares that, alas, he is only human. The course would not cover how to maintain a healthy marriage while competing with the demands of the office and the ego boost that comes with the territoriy; it would only address what happens when the infidelity is documented and undeniable.

This being nearly 2010, it seems time to tinker with the syllabus. For starters, the press conference protocol should be changed so that, as opposed to standing behind him in silence, the betrayed spouse could serve him - stylishly and with great flair - with divorce papers.