remote control

My most relaxing week in the month since my return was spent at my sister's in Morro Bay, a lovely spot on the central coast of California. My sister and I would hang out during the weekend and in the evenings after she got home from work. During the day, I'd roam about town, go to the beach, visit the local library (for internet access), and watch The Office and movies on DVD.

Before my arrival, the remote control for the DVD player had run out of juice. My sister and I regularly reminded each other to get one during the next outing, then promptly forgot the moment we closed the door behind us. There weren't nearly as many functions on the DVD player as on the remote control, and what few functions still available could only be accessed if I hauled my ass off the couch and physically asserted pressure on the relevant buttons. In short, for all intents and purposes, I had to watch shows and movies all the way through. I "couldn't" rewind to hear missed dialogue, fast-forward past familiar or seemingly unimportant portions, or replay favored scenes over and over (and over) again.

I remember the pre-ipod days, even pre-CD days, when I'd play an entire album all the way through, when I'd listen to every song, not just the ones already favored by the radio stations. In so doing, I had come to find some of the best that were never formally released; they had to be discovered.

I can only imagine how much of life and people I have overlooked because I was fast-forwarding when I should've been paying attention, or because I was replaying (yet again) a past interaction and thus too distracted to focus on one unraveling in the present. In my head and my heart, I know life doesn't have a multi-function remote control; I get to live a given moment once and it's gone. But I can't seem to bring myself to live this reality. I dwell rather than forgive. I take for granted rather than treasure.

The past is full of memories and lessons, the future gives hope and purpose, so surely the present isn't the only one that matters. God's in all three; this I know. But the relative weight of each to the other? That I haven't quite figured out just yet.