family (dys)function

One of my counsin recently married. She and her new husband live in Singapore but came to California on holiday, so a dinner was scheduled for them to meet their relatives in America. I last saw my cousin in 1986. I was 10; she was 6. As for the other relatives... Well, year-end holiday gatherings had become so toxic and unpleasant that 10 years ago, we'd stopped gathering.

As it turned out, dinner was not altogether horrible. There was a mountain of magnificent Chinese food; it's really difficult to fight with your mouth full. There was also the advantage of very low expectations. I expected tension, followed by the inevitable implosion of old wounds and grievances. Instead, there was merely harmless awkwardness.

I was asked only one of the Big Two: (1) What are you doing with your life; and (2) When are you getting married. I actually enjoyed fielding the first, proudly proclaiming my unemployed status, giddily quashing some relatives' hopes of free legal services. The second one fell to my favorite uncle, who had been in a long-term relationship ever since his divorce some years back. His answer was terrific: he will marry when McCain is elected President of the United States.

For most of the night, my uncle unabashedly rallied for McCain, while my aunt did the same for Clinton, and I for Obama. The time was filled with gossip and speculation about the election and so many politically incorrect comments. Since none of it was personal, things were said and taken with a good and needed measure of humor.

During breaks from giving and taking jabs, I surveyed the scene with great amusement and satisfaction. We are one screwy bunch; we always have been. But for the first time in a long time, we weren't trying to correct, vent frustration or make accusations about each other's brokenness simply because it happens to be a different variety than our own. Sure, we focused all of that critical energy on politicians - they're people, too! - but I can live with that.