you're just not that into you

Last weekend, I spent quite some time hearing about someone who is clueless about her cluelessness about men. She reminds me of the women featured in He's Just Not That Into You. The premise of the book is that if a guy doesn't call/act proud of/want to bang/commit to a woman, chances are, he's just not that into her. So the woman should realize this and move on. The author of the book repeats this lesson over and over and over and over again, in case some delusional female in an emotionally sado-masochistic relationship sneezes and misses the point.

When I first picked up the book (off the shelves of my hosts in Turkey), I expected a light and easy read, like a fashion magazine in book's clothing. But as I read, I felt increasingly... disturbed... then depressed... and finally, very sad. The book should have been called, "You're Just Not That Into You," or more accurately, "Women Who Really Need Jesus."

Now, now. I know; we all need Jesus. But the women in this book? They need Him really badly, in a code-blue kind of a way. They don't believe they're worth anything. They don't know they deserve better. They don't love or value themselves enough to walk away from guys who plainly do not love or value them.

I don't see the point of saying, ad nauseam, "he's just not that into you." That's about as compassionate as telling an alcoholic that he's a drunk, and as effective as driving demons out of a house then leaving it empty and unguarded. There are some ailments that only truth (spoken in love) can cure, but I don't envision God's Really Into You! or Pssst... You Have Inherent Worth flying off the shelves.

But then again, the Bible is the best-selling book in human history.