housewarming

My first night at my new place was a little rough. I felt very homesick for my old place, which I loved, and thought the new place didn't measure up. I doubted my decision to move and thought I rushed into it because everything else was so busy. I'll leave out the embarrassing details of the grand ol' pity party I threw for myself. Let's just call it buyer's remorse.

Woke up exhausted on Sunday, with a head-splitting migraine that made everything at church seem extremely bright and loud. I resolved to buck up and handle this transition well, until I came home and was greeted by... the cockroach that broke the camel's back. It was on its back and waving at me with its little legs. Even as I smashed it with my slippers and flushed it down the toilet, snippets of Joe's Apartment flashed before me.

"Cockroaches are not the solitary type," I thought. "There's never just one cockroach."

I called my parents. My mom said all the things I needed to hear and unequivocally dismissed my fear of cockroaches crawling into my ears while I sleep. My dad got on the phone and verbalized my worst case scenario, including descriptions of the little buggers crawling all over my face. I told my dad to hand the phone to my mom. As soon as I heard her voice, I burst into tears. Total... nervous... breakdown.

The short version of the story is that my parents are absolutely amazing. They came over, armed with food and Raid and Chinese contraband insect chalk. They hugged me and told me how lovely my apartment is and will be once I get settled in. They went over every entry to my apartment and secured the place against future unwanted visitors. They did all this while I went to a fancy dinner for work, and were waiting for me when I got home. Coming home to them made the place feel like home, made me feel like I'll be ok here.

What kind of love is this?! I've spent quite some time in the past 5-10 years separating myself from them, asserting my independence, buffering my life from the messiness of theirs, and they are still a phone call away, willing to come to my rescue (from an insect the size of my toes), no questions asked. For all that I considered wanting in them as parents, I am really the one in want - of gratitude, of sacrificial love, of the generosity and acceptance that they so freely extend to me. I am surprised, humbled and relieved that I have yet to outgrow my parents and their love.