that's what friends are for...?

I never thought the day would come when I would reference Sex and the City in talking about my own life.

A brief primer on the show. Carrie is the main character, a starving writer who never wears the same outfit twice. Charlotte is the rich girl who is technically the “prude” of the bunch (even though she seems to get around – at least a ½ dozen guys per each of the earlier seasons). Samantha is the official “slut” of the group and is at least thrice as well-traveled as Charlotte. Miranda is… the lawyer.

These four women are friends. For the most part, they seem be friends to one another by affirming whatever the others chose to do, and by “being there” when the time comes to picking up the pieces. The few exceptions are occasions when Miranda confronts Carrie when Carrie is contemplating or in the early stages of doing something that will ultimately cause herself and others grief, heartache, etc. This usually leads to a big fight. The two women would, of course, reconcile before the episode ends. Carrie goes on to do whatever she was contemplating, and the crew is “there” for her to help her nurse her wounds.

I’ve always thought that being a good friends entail a willingness to be a Miranda (and to let others be Mirandas), to share (and listen to) honest observations about problematic decisions and such that may have negative consequences for ourselves or for others. Of course, being a good friend also means praying and hoping for the best, no matter what, being there for friends who are hurting and never saying “I told you so.”

But recent experiences make me wonder if it’s best to skip the first part: to say nothing, hope and pray for the best, and say “there-there” later. Why say what people don’t want to hear (and will probably ignore anyway)? What does it accomplish other than make them feel defensive now and alienated later, when they may need someone to support them?

I hate confrontations. I also hate the feeling of having blood on my hands. I want the best for people I love. I also want to get along with and be liked by them. It’s not always a choice between the two extremes, but I feel like I’m coming up against one right now. I don’t know what to do.